Beautiful Life?

A few months ago someone I really admire told me I was living a beautiful life. At the moment I wanted to slap her. My life was far from beautiful. I was struggling with my past, facing it finally but I would face it by day and smother it with food by night. I wanted to face the pain but when I did it hurt too much. And that's just what was going on then we won't even delve into the past that brought me to that point.
Life has been a struggle this year, far from beautiful. Yet every time I see this friend she reminds me I am beautiful and I think about my beautiful life. I have sorta taken back my life this year... taken it back from anti-depressants, shame, loneliness, pill popping. Then, I reluctantly handed it back to my Father.
This is where it gets beautiful. He took it. All the pieces I had found, then, he went and found some more. He put them all together so flawlessly that it is hard to tell that I strayed from His plan, that things in my life were created by evil, that was not Him. He is Amazing. He has made a Beautiful Life.

Silence

Last night at Bible Study we discussed how Noise can be distracting, how it God speaks in silence.
So... I decided I wanted to hear God this morning. I decided last night actually.
Off to work this morning my purse is loaded with bottles and bottles of water, tons of evelopes, my lunch (some shrimp fried rice, thanks mom), my loud cell phone, and my CD face plate. Out of pure habit I shove my face plate in and start my car. Since it was disconnected it doesn't come on unless I turn it on. I go to turn it on... and then remember... Silence.
It takes about one minute for me to get to the red light at Cedar/Shepard that's when I decided: this is crazy, I am crazy. I continue driving. First, in complete silence; then, humming; and then, full out singing (with no accompaniment of course). After about two stop lights I feel guilty. Okay, God Silence. Speak. .... I said speak God. I am seriously listening. ....
This continues down Palm and halfway down Shaw. Silence, thinking, demanding God to speak to me. Then it happens.
I say (out loud), "Ashley, He's not talking to you."
I reply, "I know but, I am trying to listen and all I hear is your voice demanding Him to speak. You're so pushy."
"Well, I wouldn't have to be pushy if you would just listen in the first place."
This my friends is how I lost my mind.