New Changes

Oct. 2, 2007

One month of being married. Not exactly what I expected. I did not have much of an idea what to expect, mind you.
I love him so much.
It's hard though, I miss home, family, Chilli, friends, normalcy. This is my new normal. That is hard to grasp.
The thing that I can grab and don't want to is he could be leaving me in less than a year, going away for longer than we've been married. He doesn't see it the way I do. I want to spend every extra moment with him right now. Have a chance to know him in an out.
He has no fear of having children. Ofcourse, when I think about this I think about having to care for them alone while he's gone. Sometimes I think what if he leaves and never comes back. It's possible, scarry, but possible. Then I'd want a piece of him to be with me. That's selfish I know. Have a kid, just in case, so I don't have to be alone. Raise a kid with out a dad.
I am getting way ahead of things. That's what I do. Over think things. Think 'em into the ground.
When I started writing I was really annoyed that the love of my life has spent the last three or so hours on the other love of his life. It's not that I hate his favorite game I just secretly pray the server will crash. Oh, how nice it'd be.
I think the hardest part of the game issue is I can't be involved. With my dad, brother, and, even, other boyfriends there was ways they'd let me into their hobbies. Like sports, I am no sports-junkie. Don't expect meon any sidelines, but I learned my fairshare of sports terms- baseball, football, and, even, hockey. I learned more about politics, which are actually somewhat interesting to me. I have found ways and been shown ways into other males hobbies. But it seems there's no way into this one.
I miss female connections. I miss watching lame shows and picking apart skinny, whining reality show contestants. I miss going to the gym only to go to Candice's to sit on the couch and look at Myspace while eating cookies or cookie-dough.
I miss Biology, yes, Biology. Who woulda thought.
I miss having Nay down the street at school all week.
I miss my mom nagging me about my messy room, taking her parking spot, loud music, hair products,not helping out, dog poo, phone bills, and computer hours.
I miss conversations with two-year-olds about pee pee.
I miss my dad. Hearing the same story twice in five minutes (until were on the phone). I miss hours of baseball and Fox News.
I miss my lil' brother coming home from work, ranting about some idiot bagger dropping eggs then standing and studying them for days.
I miss home.

Oct. 10, 2007

I love my husband, don't know where he is, but love him. I am settling. I miss home but I couldn't live there with out him. He melts me. Often. He's home!!

Oct. 11, 2007

Hmmm. Andy came home with bad news last night. He has to go to Ft. Benning (Georgia) for training. He'll be gone for 15-20 days. We don't really know. I am not sure I am going to lie all the alone time. I am going to hate it as a matter of fact. I already dislike what I have.